Apathy

Today I'm suffering from apathy. Sometimes I'm torn between thinking it's the best or the worst part of depression. I mean, I don't care I'm depressed, right?

I try to do things I enjoy hoping to break out of it, but I either quit halfway or don't even get started.

What's it matter?

If I don't make the icing for the cake well then let whoever wants to eat it go buy a can of frosting and do it themselves. If I don't write that next little scene or story or post or whatever, no one's really going to notice. If I spend all my time lying across the bed looking out the window or with my head stuffed under the pillow no one really cares. [ok, on the last one my girlfriend cares. She's already drug me out of bed once today and at least made me get dressed.]

I did do a few loads of laundry and only wandered off and forgot one. So I managed to complete something today.

At least when I'm feeling apathetic I don't yell at anyone or curl up into a ball covering my head wishing everyone and everything would go away.

I miss being me though. I miss being the happy one.

OK, now I'm going to go into the kitchen and make fudge frosting.